Dear Husbands,

Sometimes we don’t know what to say or how to ask for the things we need.  Often when we try, we come across as nagging, attacking or accusing.  This is our fault, for expecting you to read our minds.  It’s just that you used to do this – you would know something was wrong and we could talk and share and discuss.  Sometimes you would surprise us by fulfilling that very part of us that needed love.  Of course, now, with children and chores and responsibility, that connection has become a bit cloudier and we rarely pause to express.

In an effort to help you understand us better, here is a helpful reference from tired moms and wives everywhere.

–   We need to know you understand.  First and foremost.  The reason why women get together and cry and cackle (as you call it) is because we understand each other.  We know how deep our feelings lie and can relate to moments of joy, pain, sorrow or happiness.  Can you?  Relate, I mean?  Because even though we have our sisters, our mothers, and our girlfriends – we still have this deep longing to share everything we feel with you – our other half.  To be understood because in so many ways, as husband and wife, we are living the same life, sharing the same dreams and worrying about the same future.  We want to know that when we break down and cry – you will get it.  You won’t see us as simply “female” basket cases of emotion but as individuals experiencing growth, change, turmoil or despair.  We want you to “feel” what we feel since you know us best and provide comfort or a break in your walls so we don’t feel so vulnerable and alone.  Can you do this?

–  We also need you to listen to us.  No just hear us but empathize and relate to what we say.  Although our account of the day may seem trivial and unimportant, it is our day.  We spend so much time fretting and worrying about the small things because we concern ourselves with a lifetime of details.  Did our children brush their teeth in circular motions like the dentist asked?  Did we remember the snack for class?  Did we say the right thing when the schoolmate was mean and our little one was hurt?  Did we remember your mother’s birthday card or the tea set we promised to bring to the birthday party?  We know that ultimately, in the big picture, these small concerns don’t compare to paying the mortgage or maintaining the car but to us they are meaningful moments that add up to whether or not we are good wives and mothers.  So please, just listen with care when we tell you how hard it was to sit through hours of gymnastics or soccer practice.  Empathize to your best ability when we express hurt feelings over something your mother said.  Comfort us when we cry because our teenagers say they hate us.  We just need to be held and soothed in the same way we comfort our own children.  We need to know we are doing a good job and our attention to detail is appreciated.

– We need something to look forward to once in awhile.  We know husbands look forward to a well-cooked meal or a day off from work.  We do.  So we try our best to keep tabs on your energy.  To make sure you have what you need, to do the amazing job you do.  We aren’t always perfect and you may feel we expect too much but we don’t.  We just want to know we also can look ahead and see a day of rest or fun.  Something besides dirty hands and school lunches.  A date night out, a romantic getaway or just time alone will do.  Sometimes the only time we have is when we run out to the grocery store or take a quick shower and we celebrate these moments like a mini vacation.  This is because we don’t know when we will be able to ever be away again – without children and responsibility.  Not that we want to be without our children but even we need to recharge our batteries in order to keep giving the love everyone requires from us.

We also need your constant affection.  We don’t want to just be “Mommy” and Auntie and Friend.  We want to BE your Wife.  Your Goddess, your soul mate, and the person you can’t live without.  We want to pretend we are still courted princesses rather than matronly queens.  We want chivalry and honor, compassion and spontaneity to help keep us young.  A simple kiss goodbye in the morning and “how was your day” when you come home isn’t cutting it.  When the only affection we receive is at night, in the dark when you roll over and are “in the mood”, well, we don’t work like that.  We want to feel the way we felt when we first met, or at least close to it.  We want you to touch us tenderly.  To hold us, just to hold us.  To feel like you can’t resist us in spite of the fact we have had our hair in the same ponytail all week.  We want to be kissed, for real – even if we are covered in flour and cookie dough.

  We want you to remind us we are still women and not just child-rearing, child-bearing machines. 

We don’t know how to ignite ourselves without your help.  When you truly see us and show us you see how beautiful and amazing we are – we respond.  When you desire us as though we were all that existed – we respond.  We want to give you all that we are, we just need you to help coax us out of our tired, monotonous schedule with gestures of love and encouragement.

Finally, we need your strength.  We really do.  We use it like a battery to help bolster our resilience and get us through our day.  When we worry about the laundry that hasn’t been folded or the tooth fairy that forgot to leave money, we will turn to you to shoulder our small failures.  When we skip the dinner from scratch for a frozen pizza, we want you to say it’s okay.  We don’t want to fail you.  In fact, we want to be the wife you’ve always dreamed of – we do.  So we lean on you for support and gratitude.  We draw from your ability to handle any burden and still keep going.  We follow your example of being steadfast and strong in the face of adversity.

We know we need a lot and we also know you need stuff too.  We don’t expect all of these things ALL of the time.  We only want to help you understand how much every little thing matters to us.  Even the tiniest change can bring us great joy and fulfillment.  We promise, if you can try, we will blossom for you and be even better.

 

With Love,

Tired Wives

 

 

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Wake Up!  Today is here!!! wake up sleepy and see.  So bright, so beautiful, so dark and so scary.  Where we are is called “now” and we cannot run from it anymore.  Are you tired?  Are you in pain?  Does your heart want to explode from hurting and holding things in.  Let go…slowly just let it go.  The worry doesn’t solve the problem, it never will.  You will be okay, just breathe and let go.

Courtesy of: Toni Frissell

Courtesy of: Toni Frissell

Do you cry?  Do you never cry?  Are you so strong you don’t think you will ever soften again?  Are you lonely?  Are you heavy with responsibility?  It’s okay.  You will be all that you need to be…even if you let go.  In fact you will be better than you have ever been before.

A Renaissance is stirring, can you feel it?  It’s causing pressure and craziness, turmoil and dissent.  This too shall pass and fulfillment is nigh.    Release from your suffering.  You do not need to do anything right now…just feel the peace of letting it all go, if even for just a bit.  Feel the flow of peace.  Feel it and pass it on.

Art & Madness

Posted: January 27, 2014 in Free Spirit
Tags: , ,

better picasso quote

Art is a form of insanity.  We take random things and smear them onto canvas, paper or sculpt something from a hunk of something else – It’s crazy and it works.  Somehow.  Art springs up from a morsel of tid-bits…imagination blooms into a garden of written words.  Words?  I mean seriously, we take letters and put them together to form words and then we choose the words we like and create thoughts, opinions and art.  Amazing, truly – the human mind never ceases to baffle me.  And who told us we could do this?

Most people, sane people are not so interested in grabbing at a bunch of stuff and after a bit of this and a dose of that – whah-lah! Art!  Most people are good at check lists and calendars, book keeping and child rearing, you know, normal stuff.  Stuff that makes the world go round kinda stuff.  I do this stuff too but I don’t always love it.  In fact I prefer to be locked away in a cabin somewhere where no one can find me.  With paper and a pen of course.  I just don’t care about all the stuff.  But life has a way of forcing you to do the stuff so you can indulge in insanity.  So basically, I work for my insanity.  I look forward to crazy time, moments where I can let loose and say what I want and not care if I have a 401k plan or who is in office.  Crazy time is good.  I think it’s good for everyone. But I think everyone is an artist, deep down.  We all have creative ideals, inspirations and desires.

So we are all crazy I guess.

It may be hard for some people to understand the soul vexed with creative urges and inspired by invisible muses.  What makes a person want to pursue something so time consuming with little hope of yielding any profit?

Yet ultimately, the outcome is always beautiful.  Although the artist is a mere vessel – transporting an idea, sustaining a thought for all time, one cannot deny the benefits.  In fact, when I try to imagine a world without Art, I cannot.  I think the imagination itself is the artists tool.

So if you are a poet, an imaginer, a writer, a jotter,  a musician, a shower singer, a love letterer, a painter, a visionary, a graphics mage, a crafting wizard, a dancer or just you with a passion that needs expressing….I urge you to go forth today, do what you love and love what you do.  Be it in the still of the night when your mind is most quiet or the early dawn when the sunrise inspires your hands.  Lift your spirits through art and never let the inner child worry about getting dirty, wasting time or running away with an imagination.

Are You Wintering?

Posted: January 19, 2014 in Contemplative
source: "Snow And Rocks" by Marcus74id, freedigitalphotos.net

source: “Snow And Rocks” by Marcus74id, freedigitalphotos.net

Lately I find myself turned off by inspirational mumbo jumbo.  Especially if it begins with “How to________________your life.”  You can fill in the blanks.  Change, transform, love, love living, have fun with – bleh!

Perhaps I’m getting cynical in my old age.  Perhaps I’m just tired of the same old diatribe.  Like these people have all the answers.  Oh look; another e-book was just published as I wrote this.  Like I am a meek and lost little sheep who needs answers.

I read recently something about finding your own path.  I’ve heard this before, I mean, actually, I’m pretty sure I’ve said it.  “He’s on his own path” or “You just have to follow your own path.”

Yes, I can accuse myself of writing my share of self-help non-sense.

But lately, well, I guess the winters’ dark has clouded my heart.  The frost that covers my typical butterflies and daisies notions is hardening the ground of my soul.

Is this okay?  I think so.  I think it’s good really.  Anyone who claims all the answers, keys, secrets and prophetic proof is either an optimistic narcissist or delusionally positive.

While I may be a little of both, I am holding tight to my moment of winter sanity.  I think I can agree – find your own path.  Who’s to say what makes you happy?  In fact, who can claim to know what happiness actually means?  Just because you have experienced it doesn’t mean it will fit my step sister sized foot.

I think in my solitude, I’ve come to this conclusion – for today; be alive.  Live, in this moment.  If it hurts and drowns you with sorrow – feel it, envelope yourself in the pain and never forget that it was yours.  Your hurt, your regret, your sadness.  No one else has felt this.  No one can.

And if it feels right, if you find peace or love or joy – own it.  That is your damn joy and no one can take it from you.  You don’t have to share it and you definitely don’t have to convince anyone else to feel it.  They are busy anyway feeling and dealing with their own stuff.

Sharing is cool.  It’s fine if you want to put it out there.  But ultimately, this journey of greyness is all you.  Are there expectations with that?  No.  You exist, that’s it.  You may go on to exist in other ways – who knows.  You don’t have to exist for anyone else right now.

It is your time of winter.  The time when hibernation slips into your den of darkness.  When the frost freezes your moments so they move slowly before you like icicles dripping.

Even barren earth herself reminds you she does not wish to play.  “Shhh…” she whispers, “everyone is sleeping.” 

So sleep now child and let the warmth of a blanket shroud and protect you in your slumber.  It’s okay if you aren’t saving someone.  Or yourself.

Rest and don’t worry.  Spring is coming and you will awaken and change your mind.  Until then feel what it means to be wintered.

wintered

 

 

By Stuart Miles, published on 26 August 2011 Stock Photo - image ID: 10054807

Damn Straight.  Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.  You are the ONLY you!  As a matter of fact, you need to put down your self attacks right now because as you read this I heard you.  Yes, the inner you, your subconscious balk and choke and struggle to repeat the “I am Awesome” mantra I just plugged into your head.  That darn, unruly subconscious, just won’t let you be happy – I know.

But listen, it’s all good.  For now, for just one moment, feel your awesomeness.  You can negotiate a moment with your subconscious at least right?  Doubtful?  Well, say this,

“Okay Subconscious me, here’s the deal…I know you want to convince me ALL the time that I am not awesome because I am not perfect but look – I just need this one moment ok?  After my moment of awesomeness is over, you can go back to berating me again.”

Once you have this contract established with Subconscious You, gear up for your “I Am Awesome” moment by doing the following:

  • Put on a hat, scarf or some other accessory that speaks to you as an individual
  • Grab a pillow
  • Find a mirror

Now, find a place where you are alone to begin your awesome moment.  Here’s what you do:

-Put your face in the pillow and scream at the top of your lungs…

“I AM AWESOME! I AM AWESOME! I AM AWESOME!”

-Then look in the mirror and say to yourself,

“I AM SO FREAKIN’ AWESOME!”

-Finally, strike a pose, flaunting your oh so cool accessory and say one more time,

“YEP, I AM AWESOME!”

-Now turn around with serious attitude and strut your stuff out of the room.

At this point your subconscious is laughing at you and telling you your moment is up.  You can either say, “Go F*#c$ Yourself!” (the profanity may be necessary to get through to your subconscious) OR create a new contract the next day and continue for a week or however long it takes.

YOU REALLY ARE AWESOME!

whos awesome cute puppy

jump

Innocence Reclaimed 

Today I will remain innocent.  I will, I will.  I say this while sipping scotch and staring out the window at the sirens.

Sometimes it seems the world wants to just adult me.  Over and over I am sucked into the vortex of to do lists and stacks of bills, which I place In prominent places in order to torture myself into adultness over and over.

But Not Today!

Today I will skip.  I will mimic the ringing sound of the phone “ring…ring” while whizzing around the room like an airplane.

Today I will scold the cat for not smiling and forgetting to floss.

I will run up to the nearest child and say, “tag, you’re it” and run away laughing!

I will ask questions and forget I already know the answer, like “why is the sky blue?” and “When will I be there?”

I may even eat cookies and ice cream just whenever I want.

Yes, today I think I will reclaim my freedom.  I will wiggle my toes, the ones I painted miniature faces all over.  I will perform Rigoletto with them and the closing Aria will be named, The ballad of the Toe Jam!

Yes, you can find my adult – locked up somewhere or chained – I don’t know.  I’m tired of doing what it says anyway.

And tonight I will cry.  Maybe because I am tired.  Maybe because no one wants to be my friend.  Maybe just because.

And I will beat my fists and throw things in an evil tantrum until I make my face red.

Then I will fall asleep.  With my head at the bottom and feet on my pillow.

And I will meet myself on a bench in my dreams and we will play patty- cake and whisper secrets.

So, for today I will reclaim my innocence.  I don’t know any better.