Dear Husbands,
Sometimes we don’t know what to say or how to ask for the things we need. Often when we try, we come across as nagging, attacking or accusing. This is our fault, for expecting you to read our minds. It’s just that you used to do this – you would know something was wrong and we could talk and share and discuss. Sometimes you would surprise us by fulfilling that very part of us that needed love. Of course, now, with children and chores and responsibility, that connection has become a bit cloudier and we rarely pause to express.
In an effort to help you understand us better, here is a helpful reference from tired moms and wives everywhere.
– We need to know you understand. First and foremost. The reason why women get together and cry and cackle (as you call it) is because we understand each other. We know how deep our feelings lie and can relate to moments of joy, pain, sorrow or happiness. Can you? Relate, I mean? Because even though we have our sisters, our mothers, and our girlfriends – we still have this deep longing to share everything we feel with you – our other half. To be understood because in so many ways, as husband and wife, we are living the same life, sharing the same dreams and worrying about the same future. We want to know that when we break down and cry – you will get it. You won’t see us as simply “female” basket cases of emotion but as individuals experiencing growth, change, turmoil or despair. We want you to “feel” what we feel since you know us best and provide comfort or a break in your walls so we don’t feel so vulnerable and alone. Can you do this?
– We also need you to listen to us. No just hear us but empathize and relate to what we say. Although our account of the day may seem trivial and unimportant, it is our day. We spend so much time fretting and worrying about the small things because we concern ourselves with a lifetime of details. Did our children brush their teeth in circular motions like the dentist asked? Did we remember the snack for class? Did we say the right thing when the schoolmate was mean and our little one was hurt? Did we remember your mother’s birthday card or the tea set we promised to bring to the birthday party? We know that ultimately, in the big picture, these small concerns don’t compare to paying the mortgage or maintaining the car but to us they are meaningful moments that add up to whether or not we are good wives and mothers. So please, just listen with care when we tell you how hard it was to sit through hours of gymnastics or soccer practice. Empathize to your best ability when we express hurt feelings over something your mother said. Comfort us when we cry because our teenagers say they hate us. We just need to be held and soothed in the same way we comfort our own children. We need to know we are doing a good job and our attention to detail is appreciated.
– We need something to look forward to once in awhile. We know husbands look forward to a well-cooked meal or a day off from work. We do. So we try our best to keep tabs on your energy. To make sure you have what you need, to do the amazing job you do. We aren’t always perfect and you may feel we expect too much but we don’t. We just want to know we also can look ahead and see a day of rest or fun. Something besides dirty hands and school lunches. 
A date night out, a romantic getaway or just time alone will do. Sometimes the only time we have is when we run out to the grocery store or take a quick shower and we celebrate these moments like a mini vacation. This is because we don’t know when we will be able to ever be away again – without children and responsibility. Not that we want to be without our children but even we need to recharge our batteries in order to keep giving the love everyone requires from us.
–We also need your constant affection. We don’t want to just be “Mommy” and Auntie and Friend. We want to BE your Wife. Your Goddess, your soul mate, and the person you can’t live without. We want to pretend we are still courted princesses rather than matronly queens. We want chivalry and honor, compassion and spontaneity to help keep us young. A simple kiss goodbye in the morning and “how was your day” when you come home isn’t cutting it. When the only affection we receive is at night, in the dark when you roll over and are “in the mood”, well, we don’t work like that. We want to feel the way we felt when we first met, or at least close to it. We want you to touch us tenderly. To hold us, just to hold us. To feel like you can’t resist us in spite of the fact we have had our hair in the same ponytail all week. We want to be kissed, for real – even if we are covered in flour and cookie dough.
We want you to remind us we are still women and not just child-rearing, child-bearing machines.
We don’t know how to ignite ourselves without your help. When you truly see us and show us you see how beautiful and amazing we are – we respond. When you desire us as though we were all that existed – we respond. We want to give you all that we are, we just need you to help coax us out of our tired, monotonous schedule with gestures of love and encouragement.
–Finally, we need your strength. We really do. We use it like a battery to help bolster our resilience and get us through our day. When we worry about the laundry that hasn’t been folded or the tooth fairy that forgot to leave money, we will turn to you to shoulder our small failures. When we skip the dinner from scratch for a frozen pizza, we want you to say it’s okay. We don’t want to fail you. In fact, we want to be the wife you’ve always dreamed of – we do. So we lean on you for support and gratitude. We draw from your ability to handle any burden and still keep going. We follow your example of being steadfast and strong in the face of adversity.
We know we need a lot and we also know you need stuff too. We don’t expect all of these things ALL of the time. We only want to help you understand how much every little thing matters to us. Even the tiniest change can bring us great joy and fulfillment. We promise, if you can try, we will blossom for you and be even better.
With Love,
Tired Wives
In the Grey 